Thursday, Before Six: A Birmingham Christmas Market Route for People Who Hate Queues

Why Thursday, and why before six

Birmingham's Frankfurt Christmas Market is one of the biggest in the UK, and on a Saturday it feels like the whole country has arrived at once. The trick is not to avoid it. The trick is to go on a Thursday, arrive before the after-work crowd, and leave before the queues get serious.

I did this last December — the most recent one, not a decade ago — and it changed the way I think about Christmas markets. You don't need a full day. You need about three hours, a warm coat, and a train ticket to New Street.

The route at a glance

New Street station → Victoria Square → the New Street stalls → a slow loop back to the station. Total walking: maybe a mile and a half. Total time: three hours if you eat standing up and don't queue for anything.

The market is centred on Victoria Square and runs along New Street. There are other pockets, but for a weeknight you don't need to see everything. You need the atmosphere, one good bratwurst, and a glühwein before the crowds arrive.

4pm: Arrive at New Street and walk uphill

Get into New Street for about 4pm. The station is busy, but it's a hub, not a crush. Use the toilets before you leave — the market toilets are fine but the queues are not. Walk out towards New Street itself, turn right, and follow the pedestrianised run up towards Victoria Square.

By 4:15pm the light is going. The stalls are lit, the air smells of cinnamon and frying onions, and the first office workers are just starting to appear. This is the sweet spot.

4:30pm: The first glühwein

Go straight to Victoria Square. There are several glühwein stands, and the trick is to pick the one with the shortest queue rather than the one with the prettiest sign. You'll pay a deposit on the mug — a few pounds — and you get it back when you return the mug. Or you keep it, because it's a nice mug, and then you have to carry it home.

Drink it standing up, near the stand, watching the square fill. Don't sit down. Sitting down is how you lose twenty minutes and end up in a queue for a table.

5pm: Eat standing up

Now find a bratwurst. The stalls along New Street and in Victoria Square all do a version: sausage, bun, mustard, onions, sometimes sauerkraut. Prices are market prices — think £6 to £8 — and portion sizes are generous. One is enough. Two is a decision you'll regret on the train.

There are standing tables scattered around. Use them. Eat quickly, keep your gloves on between bites, and don't try to balance a paper cone of chips and a glühwein at the same time. I learned that the hard way.

If you want something sweet, get a pretzel or a bag of roasted almonds before 6pm. The sweet stalls get the longest queues later, because everyone decides they need a giant gingerbread heart at exactly the same moment.

5:30pm: Browse before the browse becomes a scrum

The ornament and craft stalls are worth a look before the crowds arrive. Wooden toys, candles, Christmas decorations, the kind of thing you didn't know you needed until you saw it. Buy it now. If you leave it until 7pm, you'll be queuing behind someone buying a hundred personalised baubles.

This is also the time to take a photo. The square looks best in the blue hour, with the lights on and the sky not quite dark.

6pm: The shift

At around 6pm, the after-work crowd arrives properly. The queues double. The standing tables fill. The atmosphere is still good, but it's a different kind of good: louder, tighter, more elbow.

This is your cue to do one last loop along New Street, maybe grab a second glühwein if you're staying, and then start heading back. You don't need to see the whole market. You came for the atmosphere, not the full circuit.

6:30pm: The walk back to New Street

The walk back is short, but it's dark and cold. Stick to the main pedestrian route along New Street, which is well lit and busy. Don't cut through side streets to save two minutes. You'll save nothing and lose the lights.

If you've bought a mug, remember it's in your bag. If you've bought a glass, wrap it in a scarf. If you've bought a giant gingerbread heart, accept that it will break.

What to pack for a cold, dark walk back

This is the bit that catches people out. You leave the house at 3pm in a coat that felt fine, and by 7pm you're walking into a wind tunnel. Pack like it's a winter walk, because it is.

• A base layer and a fleece under your coat. The market is outdoors; you'll be standing still more than you think.
• Gloves, hat, scarf. Non-negotiable. The glühwein warms your hands for about four minutes.
• Waterproof boots with a decent sole. The cobbles are uneven and the pavements get slippery.
• A small crossbody bag or zipped tote. You need your hands free for food and mug deposits.
• A little cash and a card. Most stalls take card, but the small ones are faster with cash.
• A phone battery pack. Cold weather drains your phone, and you'll be taking more photos than you expect.
• A folded tote for anything you buy. It's kinder than juggling a paper bag and a glühwein.

Don't bring a big backpack. It makes you unpopular in a crowd and you'll knock someone's glühwein.

The honest bits

It's not cheap. Between the train, the glühwein, the bratwurst, and the ornament you didn't need, you can easily spend £40 without trying. The market is a treat, not a bargain.

It's also not quiet. Thursday before 6pm is the quietest it gets, and it's still busy. If you hate crowds, leave by 6:15pm. If you hate queues, don't come on a Saturday. If you hate both, go on a Tuesday afternoon.

And check your trains. New Street is a major hub, and December engineering works are a thing. Don't plan a tight connection home. Give yourself twenty minutes, buy an off-peak return, and accept that the train back will be full of people who had the same idea.

The train home

The train home is part of the night. You'll smell of cinnamon and frying oil, your gloves will be sticky, and you'll be glad you didn't drive. That's the whole point of a train-based Christmas market trip: you can have a glühwein before six and still be home by nine.

Go on a Thursday. Arrive at four. Leave before the crush. It's the most sensible way to do an unreasonable season.